Ironmaster

Ironmaster

Genre:  Action, Adventure  

Original title: La Guerra del Ferro

Director: Umberto Lenzi

Year: 1983

A tale that takes place at the dawn of history. The movie tells the story of a tribe that discovers how to fashion weapons out of iron and use them for their own survival. However, the creation of iron also causes the tribe to battle for possession of the new weapons.

With Conan The Barbarian being such a smash in 1982 it was no surprise that the Italians would want a piece of the action & make their own action adventure picture, of course on a much smaller budget. Ironmaster is a noble attempt at the genre but unfortunately, a very forgettable one. 

Director Umberto Lenzi (who must of had a go at every popular genre back in the day) doesn't really bring much to the table here, I often find his work very hit or miss & unfortunately this is one of the misses. The special effects are decent enough for this kind of picture. Sure monkey men in suits and lightning effects that appear to of been drawn on don't do the film any favours but for the most part the majority of ideas pass as at least serviceable. 

Sam Pasco stars as our macho hero here in his only acting credit. Well I say only acting credit, he also had a career as a bodybuilder & a a gay porn-star under the name of Big Max! Physically he is an impressive specimen but charisma-wise, leaves a lot to be desired & is unfortunately a million miles away from being Arnold Schwarzenegger, epecially with his emotionless acting and horrible delivery of dialogue. 

Sam Pasco, AKA "Big Max".

However, fear not! The big selling point for this film (you could argue it's the only selling point) is we have George Eastman playing the evil character of Vood who will kill everybody in his way to rule the land! 

Eastman is an actor that always gives his all in every film he appears in however bad a picture it is or however ridiculous his character may be you can always be sure to get Eastman bringing his A-game. As always he delivers the character of Vood with so much charisma that he really helps bring this otherwise dull film to life each time he appears on screen. His performance sees him kill off the leader of his tribe, escape from the angry tribe, witness a volcano erupt & accidentally create an iron weapon, thus essentially becoming the father of the Iron Age! Not done there we have Eastman vs boars, lions & men in ape costumes. All this backed up with classic dialogue such as "When warriors stop showing their power, it is the beginning of the end'. It is a classic Eastman performance even if the film is pretty much trash. 

If you dig George Eastman i'd say it's well worth a watch for him alone, if not, stay well clear as there is barely anything else to warrant its existence. 

Rating: ★★

George Eastman, creator of the Iron Age.

Killer Crocodile

Killer Crocodile

Genre: Horror, Giant Monster, Adventure

Original title: Killer crocodile - Coccodrillo assassino

Director: Fabrizio De Angelis

Year: 1989

A group of environmentalists arrives at a faraway tropical delta where toxic waste is being dumped. However the water also hides a giant crocodile. The corrupt local officials don't help much either.

This creature-feature is directed by Fabrizio De Angelis who's best known for being producer on some of Lucio Fulci's most famous films such as Zombie, The Boyond & The New York Ripper. Under the pseudonym of Larry Ludman he'd direct a string of mostly forgotten about genre films around the mid 80s such as Karate Warrior & Thunder. 

So here we have another Jaws style cash-in done with little money & little talent. yet Killer Crocodile still manages to generate a certain amount of charm to make things worthwhile. The acting & editing are pretty terrible at the best of times but the Crocodile effects are actually pretty damn solid. They do make the big mistake of revealing too much of their giant prop by not cutting away fast enough which gives away any faults, but for a picture like this it was actually impressive.

The plot, whilst predictable moves along at a decent pace & remains semi entertaining. The cast lack personality and mostly just act as fodder for our big croc with exception of Ennio Girolami who plays this complete badass who lives near the swamp so understands the terrain & most importantly, looks like Lee Van Cleef! The environmentalists seek help & turn to him so Girolami casually jumps off his boat & lands on top of the Croc and begins to attack the beast, it's hilarious in its outrageousness & easily the best scene in the entire picture.  Sadly Girolami passed away earlier this year.  Ennio made a number of appearances in cult Italian films from Light Blast, to Tenebre & also was in all three films of the Bronx Warriors trilogy which were directed by his younger brother Enzo G. Castellari.  

You know what you are getting yourself into with these type of pictures, most of them are pretty atrocious & whilst this picture suffers from some terrible writing, bad acting & a complete lack of originality it remains mildly entertaining throughout & lovers of creature-features will no doubt get their kicks out of it.

Rating: ★★½

Ennio Girolami 1935-2013. R.I.P

Barbarella

Barbarella

Genre: Science Fiction, Space Opera, Sex Comedy, Adventure

Director: Roger Vadim

Year: 1968

In the far future, a highly sexual woman is tasked with finding and stopping the evil Durand-Durand. Along the way she encounters various unusual people.

Who seduces an angel? Who strips in space? Who conveys love by hand? Who gives up the pill? Who takes sex to outer space? Who's the girl of the 21st century? Who nearly dies of pleasure? Barbarella, that's who!

This French/Italian production sees one of America's great actresses Jane Fonda play a secret agent in this campy blend of science fiction, adventure & tongue in cheek comedy. The film begins with a wonderful baroque style title sequence with Barbarella floating around, as she removes her clothes any potential nudity is covered up by the on-screen credits. This backed with a Tom Jones-esque theme tune set the tone perfectly for the picture you are about to see. 

The film is a colourful experience, with really impressive large sets created at the Dino De Laurentiis Cinematografica Studios in Rome. They have an almost cartoonish vibe, very similar to those also recorded at the studio that same year for Mario Bava's Danger: Diabolik. In-fact, both films are very similar with their aesthetic & comic-book feel, though the humour in Barbarella is much more obvious in its delivery.

Both films must of been a huge influence on Mike Hodges's Flash Gordon which would be made some 12 years later & also the Austin Powers series owes a lot to the tone, look & unpredictability of Barbarella.

As the film progresses Barbarella gets herself into all kinds of trouble as she meets a series of unusual characters, it's like Clash Of The Titans... in space! In one scene she's abducted by children, tied up and attacked by some really freakish looking dolls with sharp teeth which wouldn't look out of place in a horror movie. Throughout the picture the characters remain hammy and incredibly camp keeping the flick light hearted & fun. It's a film where the entire cast completely understood the material & the tone that picture was striving for & with the entire film hanging on the character of Barbarella you have to give an enormous amount of credit to Jane Fonda for making it all look so effortless.

The second half of the picture becomes slightly more action orientated & whilst the knowing nod towards humour is always present the films running time of an hour and forty five begins to grate a little. I'd compare it to eating your favourite junk food, its always great for a while but eventually it'll become tiresome if you eat too much of it so it really is a "too much of a good thing" scenario with this picture. Fifteen minutes shredded from its running time would of really of helped this film hit the sweet spot for me.

Despite these faults, Barbarella remains an iconic piece of cinema. With its outrageous costumes (Fonda has a costume change approximately every five minutes), outlandish set designs, over the top performances & groovy soundtrack it remains a charming piece of cinema, which whilst it may not be the most stimulating film mentally, visually it'll knock you out.

Rating: ★★★

Jane Fonda, makes love in her own unique way.